We’re hearing a lot about scams from AARP this month because awareness helps keep us safe. But if your circle of loved ones is anything like mine, you’re also hearing about it, far too often, from those close to you who are being impacted.
My sister-friends who participate in daily group texts — smart, aware, creative and competent women — have responded supportively as, time and again, one of our own discovers she’s been targeted.
Nobody deserves what happened to my girlfriend
“I just learned more than I wanted to,” texted a talented scribe in her 30s. Days earlier, she’d excitedly shared about learning the ropes of self-publishing after purchasing a production package via a major online seller of books and audio. She plans to turn her historical fiction into an audiobook. “We were supposedly going to talk at 10:00 AM. The [famous company name] folks, or whoever they really were, never called me. It looks like it was a scam. I am disputing the charge with the bank. I doubt that I will ever recover the money.”
My sister-friends who participate in daily group texts — smart, aware, creative and competent women — have responded supportively as, time and again, one of our own discovers she’s been targeted.
When our little crew hears of scams going around, we try to forewarn each other with new articles. We link them into the day’s thread right along with the recipes, jokes and goings-on.
Too late for a well-informed cousin in her 50s — and she usually gives us the 411.
“I got one of those texts,” she wrote. “It wasn’t from [major mobile network] but it said [company name]. It said just what was in that article. You know, your bill is paid, you know, click here for your free gift. So, I clicked. It was really weird, some sort of fit watch. And I couldn’t cancel it. There was no email and no order number. All I had was that original page and a phone number. The first time I called, they said, ‘oh well, it’s on its way so you can’t cancel it.’ Then they said ‘well you know you can just pay X amount, we’re going to bill you half or whatever.’ So I got the thing. It’s just like a piece of cheap shit. And I called and just kept saying that it was an illegal unauthorized transaction. They finally gave me my money back. I still have that cheap watch, the cheapest thing I’ve ever seen.”
“Cuz,”I asked, “how did they get your payment info? I’m wondering if it was built on one of those text to donate apps…”
“Your cousin gave them her payment info.”
“Your cousin…” Sis, there are frequently two instances in which we refer to ourselves in the third person. One is when we’re extremely proud: “Your daughter just closed on her first house.” It’s a sound bite seasoned with humility. The other is when we’re protecting our psyches from an experience so painful it’s still too hard to own. It’s a sound bite seasoned with shame. I reminded my cousin that this happens to millions of people a year. This is organized, sophisticated and systemic evil. We need to stop perceiving those impacted by this crime as if they — we — have some sort of individual failing.
Finding the words to fight evil
And, Sis, shame is what I stopped by to talk to you about today. Listen, if scams are society’s criminal wildfire, shame is the accelerant.
More than half of US adults surveyed identify scam victims as culpable and blameworthy.Nearly a third agree with the statement, 'Honestly, if you fall victim, a lot of that is on you.'
I’ve got the receipts. Recent Federal Trade Commission data shows that consumers reported losing nearly $9 billion to fraud in 2022, an increase of more than 30 percent over the previous year. And notice I said “reported.” Many don’t do so, say experts.
Because shame.
Look at this, based on a survey of 1,000 U.S. adults.
- Nearly half of Americans (47 percent) say reporting a scam is a lost cause.
- Most Americans (85 percent) believe fraud can happen to anyone.
- More than half (53 percent) identify victims as culpable and blameworthy.
- Nearly a third (32 percent) of Americans agree with the statement, “Honestly, if you fall victim, a lot of that is on you.”
- More than a third (36 percent) believe the police can’t help those impacted.
- A similar number (32 percent) believe a lawyer would not be able to press charges.
These are highlights from “Blame and Shame in the Context of Financial Fraud,” a 2022 report from the AARP Fraud Watch Network and the FINRA Investor Education Foundation. It’s part of “a movement to change our societal response to a rampant and growing crime,” according to the report.
The researchers reveal layers and dimensions of victim blaming that are so ingrained in our collective consciousness that we don’t have the right mindset to effectively work toward justice.
I reminded my cousin that this happens to millions of people a year. This is organized, sophisticated and systemic evil. We need to stop perceiving those impacted by this crime as if they — we — have some sort of individual failing.
What does justice look like?
- More victims will report the crime, feeling that they will be heard and supported.
- Family ties will be protected, with those feeling the fallout able to offer one another empathy.
- Police will recognize scams as a crime, not a personal nuisance that’s largely out of their hands.
- Prosecutors will take on more fraud cases, helping to make victims whole.
- Policymakers will act to address this epidemic of evil, recognizing it for what it is.
Instead, we see undertones of victim shaming in the news media all the time, with headlines spotlighting those “duped,” “scammed” and “swindled.”
“SEC Says Former Florida Broker Swindled Black Christians”
“Senior Citizen Duped in Lottery Scam”
“Newton grandmother scammed out of $20,000, used Bitcoin ATMs to send money”
“Dear Annie: Relative suckered out of thousands when young adult skips out on apartment lease”
“Suckered.” It’s not just those of us in the media who unwittingly put that scarlet letter “S” on folks. It’s friends, family, community organizations, law enforcement, government and advocacy groups, legislators, entertainment, the general public.
(Interestingly, where you do see empathy and advocacy incubating is on social media, according to AARP and FINRA researchers. Yay socials!!)
You know how, often in our culture, we will talk about speaking something into existence? There’s a lot we can do to help fight the global network of scammer scum just by the way we talk about the framework of fraud. Building a culture of empowerment and empathy starts with how we speak love and power in taking care of our own people. It grows from there.
