What's a relationship issue that you realized in hindsight was a red flag? What about one you heeded at the time you spotted it? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
Many of us have been there! We can share stories of relationships that we were in or dates that we had in which we detected red flags.
We asked some sisters: What dating/relationship red flag caused you to leave your entanglement behind?
Read what these women unabashedly divulged. These honest accounts will either have you reminiscing about a similar situation and prompt you to pat yourself on the back or they will have you looking at your current relationship with fresh eyes. Either way, know that in matters of love, others have walked in your shoes!
Finger-pointing failure
In the beginning he was incredibly romantic, a gentleman that opened doors for me and seemed to have his life together. However, I began to see the red flag when he started doing an excellent job of making me feel bad or blaming me or his past exes for failed relationships, marriages, and friendships. He never took any accountability. He eventually abandoned our marriage and blended family. Now I’m trying to rebuild my credit, home, and the broken family he left.
A., 41, “separated and healing,” Nashville
Facebook official? Mmm…maybe next week.
My boyfriend at the time cheated on me and I foolishly convinced myself that people make mistakes when all along I didn’t trust him anymore and was miserable. Another boyfriend would not celebrate Valentine’s Day or acknowledge our anniversary because he didn’t want to hurt another woman's feelings. He always told me our relationship was private, and no one needed to know what we did. I didn’t post pictures acknowledging him on social media since he didn’t acknowledge me. But I stayed with him because no one else came along. After a while, the relationship fizzled because I wanted us to be out in the open. I wanted to be proud to let people in my life know that I had a man, but he didn’t want that. I know it is pathetic and sad, but it’s my truth. I’m just a hopeless romantic looking for real love and loyalty.
Toni Creamer, 45, “single and dating,” Perris, CA
Cheapskate date
A red flag is when a man will rub your feet, run your bath water, clean your bathroom, take out your trash, but when they invite you on a date, they are not confident that they can afford to pay. I am 52. I am from New York City but have been in the Atlanta area for ten years. Only twice during that time has a man bought me a drink when I was out with my girlfriends. There is a lot of 50/50 talk, because these men know that Black women are more educated and are getting top jobs. They are the head of their households and breadwinners, so most of these men think that we will pay for dates and more if we want to be in a relationship. The red flag is a man over 40 who is not transparent enough, confident enough and emotionally intelligent enough to tell us that they can’t afford us until we are six months or more invested into a relationship.
Natalie Rodriguez, 52, “dating” Atlanta
His car is still in the shop?
I remember when I was 21 years old, I was dating this guy who was four years older than I. He told me that his car was in the shop, which was why he was taking the bus. After a month, I confronted him about it, and he gave more excuses about the mechanic, which I knew was a big red flag. But I ignored it because he was cool to be around. After another week I confronted him, and he admitted that he had never had a car. Needless to say, it led to me confronting him about more lies.
Jamia Williams, 40, “happily married,” Rochester, NY
Controlling her—and the purse strings
Shortly after we married, my ex-husband wanted to ‘enforce’ what I was supposed to do for him as a wife such as be ‘submissive’ and share all of my finances with him. He expected me to fix or support his bad financial decisions (which I did not). He told me how married women are not supposed to socialize without their husband in public. He wanted me to give up my friendships and way of life because it didn’t align with how he believed a wife should behave. I divorced him in under a year. I was not created to give up my life or deplete my value just to ‘have a man.’ Please note, there was nothing particularly great about the man, so I have nothing to elaborate on in that regard.
T., 48, “happily single,” Dallas
What's a relationship issue that you realized in hindsight was a red flag? What about one you heeded at the time you spotted it? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
