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A few months back, I was in a huge funk. Everything seemed to be the same old, same old. I didn’t have anything to look forward to. Things were just blah.
After discussing it with experts and some sisters, I realized this feeling isn’t unusual.
“It’s completely normal for there to be times where you’re stuck in a bit of a rut or feeling a bit stagnant,” says Joy Pate, a licensed clinical social worker in Los Angeles, California. “That could be an indication that maybe it’s time for something to change if you’re not happy or not content with your day-to-day life.”
Here’s what’s helping me inject more positive anticipation into my everyday life. And it only takes two minutes to schedule these bright spots on my calendar.
In other words, it was time for me to shake things up.
Research even told me it was necessary. A study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology in 2015 found that anticipating a positive event boosts mood and makes people feel better after a stressful situation — even more so than thinking about good stuff that’s already happened. For this study, the anticipated reward was simple: a funny cartoon.
A different study, published in 2020 in Stress: The International Journal on the Biology of Stress, found that participants experienced less stress during a mock interview and math quiz when there was anticipation of a future reward — in this case, a chance to win a raffle prize. The folks who had a chance to enter the raffle had lower heart rates and their cortisol levels didn’t rise as quickly or as much compared to people who didn’t have the opportunity to participate in the raffle. Reducing cortisol levels can help boost the immune system, lower blood pressure and blood sugar, increase energy, improve metabolism and make it easier to lose or manage weight (cortisol increases appetite).
Knowing you’ll have a positive experience following a challenging task activates the reward system in the brain, boosting your motivation so you push through the tough times to get to the good stuff on the other side.
Message received. Here’s what’s helping me inject more positive anticipation into my everyday life. And it only takes two minutes to schedule these bright spots on my calendar.
Put something good right after something difficult. I picked this tip up somewhere along the way but just put it into practice after learning about the abovementioned studies. Knowing you’ll have a positive experience following a challenging task activates the reward system in the brain, boosting your motivation so you push through the tough times to get to the good stuff on the other side, says Catherine J. Mills, PsyD., a licensed clinical psychologist in Hampton Roads, Virginia. I now queue up my favorite show to watch after I hit send on an assignment. Or I have a video game ready to go after paying bills. Let me tell you, it works!
Find mini-thrills. Anticipation isn’t only about the big stuff. “Small opportunities to feel joy are all around us,” says Pate. A friend of mine passed along some helpful advice from her therapist: Each night before bed, ask what are two little things you can look forward to tomorrow. For me, my morning cup of pineapple juice and my husband's corny jokes make the upcoming day look brighter.
Try something new. Tabitha Brown, our sister-friend, actress and social media star, recently published a new book, I Did a New Thing: 30 Days to Living Free. In it, she chronicles her adventures of doing (and inspires others to do) one new thing each day for thirty days. I’m using it to help me add anticipation and newness to my life. I already can’t wait to see what I come up with for day eight, “Do Something That Challenges What You Think You Know.
Book a date. Brown’s book also showed me I need to add excitement to my calendar. So far, I’ve done karaoke with my fam and a trampoline fitness class. I’m counting down the days until my sister and I get massages.
See future you. Our girl Serena Williams is proof of this one. When she was younger, her dad taught her to visualize herself at the U.S. Open. She’s won six Open singles titles and 23 Grand Slam singles titles! Visualizing yourself doing something helps build excitement and motivation, so you’re more likely to achieve it, says.
Plan a random celebration. I have an aunt who’s always planning get-togethers just because and whenever. Think a family BBQ to celebrate the second Saturday of the month. I used to think it was strange, but now I’ve joined her.
Chunk your goals. Dr. Mills recommends breaking bigger goals into smaller, attainable ones. You’ll constantly have something to look forward to and your reward center will be activated more often, which helps you maintain momentum, she says. For example, in my health journey, I’m aiming for smaller non-scale victories, such as doing a specific number of pushups or my pants fitting better. I’ve already planned rewards, like a new gel polish and a weekend getaway, for when I reach certain milestones.
Since incorporating these ideas into my routine, my life has been so much better. I no longer wake up dreading the humdrum of a monotonous day, my stress levels have gone down, I’m more energized and my glow is different. Someone even told me I’m all smiles lately!
If you try these strategies and still struggle to see happiness in your future, or you have other symptoms of depression, Dr. Mills says it’s a good idea to reach out to a mental health expert.
What's something that you are looking forward to? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
