Is there an item you've finally removed from your to-do list or delegated for your peace of mind? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
As Black women, we love to be booked and busy. Having a lot to do and actually getting it done says we’re doing the darn thing.
But let’s be real. Doing too much—whether it’s work, side hustles, home, parenting, relationships or extracurriculars—takes a toll.
Research shows that constantly being on and pushing yourself to meet unrealistic expectations means you probably ignore your emotional and physical needs, which leads to stress, anxiety and depression, says Tyffani Monford, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist at MetroHealth in Cleveland, Ohio.
Cue up burnout too because, at some point, your body won’t be able to handle the on-all-the-time-do-everything strain, Dr. Monford adds.
And if you don’t address your chronic stress, it can lead to health issues like high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, obesity and diabetes. Your relationships may suffer too, since exhaustion can make you moody and distant.
The thing is, we don’t always realize we’re doing too much. “Exhaustion is actually what is normative for us,” says Dr. Monford. “If we don't see that happening, then we don't think we're doing enough.”
Here are some signs it’s time to slow down.
You feel off physically
Your body has a way of saying chill out. Think headaches, random pains, fatigue, trouble sleeping, a thicker waistline, hair loss or catching any bug that’s going around.
You forgot whatchamacallit (again).
Trying to do 20 things at once throws off your concentration, says Dr. Monford. That’s why you might forget your phone at home or miss an important appointment.
You feel resentment.
Ever say yes to something and think, “Ugh, I should have said no” while doing it? Do you see others enjoying life or resting and feel jealous? That’s resentment.
Everything feels like a chore.
Of course, some things are chores. “However, if the activities that usually bring you joy, peace or relaxation start making you feel exhausted or unmotivated, that’s when you know you need to slow down,” Dr. Monford says.
Other people make comments.
If people say you seem (or look) stressed or tired, listen. Sometimes we’re so deep in grind mode that we miss the signs, but others see them. “It's easier for us to be objective in situations that we're not experiencing,” says Dr. Monford.
Your best isn’t your best.
The problem with trying to be a Black Superwoman is that when we’re trying to do it all, we aren’t operating at our highest capacity emotionally, physically or intellectually,” says Dr. Monford. “So, you’re not showing up as your best self anyway,” she adds. You may get a lot done but at a less-than-ideal level. Maybe you’re making mistakes at work, your house is a mess or your family has eaten fast food three times this week because you’re too tired to thaw out the chicken.
Your to-do list never ends.
Whether it’s written or mental, if you never check everything off your list, you probably have too much on it in the first place.
You’re snapping at everyone.
“Our emotions also tell us when we’re overdoing it by making us irritable, resentful, depressed or anxious to an intensity that goes beyond what would be expected for the situation,” says Dr. Monford. So if you’ve been yelling at your people or dropping tears over small stuff, there’s the reason.
Doing too much?
Dr. Monford created an acronym to help: PEACE — Prioritize, Engage, Accountability, Communicate and Explore.
Prioritize your mental and physical health along with your tasks. “You can't say, ‘I'm going to complete everything and bump if I'm anxious, depressed, not sleeping, got headaches,’” says Dr. Monford. Put less urgent stuff on the back burner so you can be intentional about setting aside time for things that bring you joy, like family and friends, laughter or a favorite hobby. Be sure to get enough sleep, eat a balanced diet and move your body. Also, don’t turn to alcohol or smoking for stress relief. Instead, try healthier options like writing in a journal, deep breathing, meditation or massage. These small steps can help reduce your stress and prevent burnout.
Engage in outsource thinking. Ask yourself if you’re the only one who can do it. If not, think about who can take over or ways to make it easier. Delegate sis! Yep, that’s even if it won’t be done exactly your way. Handing over less important tasks will give you time and mental energy for the more important stuff.
Accountability matters. Find someone who will help keep you in check. “They’re going to ask you questions about what all you're doing, why you're doing it, and they're going to hold you to setting aside time for yourself,” says Dr. Monford. They’ll point out when you need to slow your role. “The good accountability partners actually say, ‘Let me tell you, there's no way you can do these 17 things today in 24 hours. You're going to be overwhelmed. What can give?’” says Dr. Monford.
Communicate with those around you. Let them know what you can and can’t do. And stick to your limits. Dr. Monford says it’s also helpful to ask people which of their requests are the most important and which aren’t. For example, say a friend asks you to review her resume and also wants advice on a birthday gift for her boyfriend. Ask which one she needs your help with the most. Then, let her handle the other issue. When you set boundaries and keep to them, you will avoid overcommitting yourself.
Explore no. Think about why you struggle to say no. Is it because you feel you’ll let people down? Are you trying to live up to that Black Superwoman stereotype? Whatever the reason, practice saying no more often. If you have trouble doing so, consider talking to a therapist. Making “no” a regular part of your vocabulary will keep you from becoming stressed and worn out. Plus, it frees up time for you to say yes to what you actually enjoy and want to do.
Another word of advice: Don’t try to do too much when attempting to not do too much. “Recognize that this is a work in progress. We didn't just get here today. It took us years to get to this point of doing too much,” Dr. Monford says. “So you also want to give yourself some grace of just beginning to take it one moment at a time.”
Is there an item you've finally removed from your to-do list or delegated for your peace of mind? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
