40 Things Every Queen Over 40 Needs to Know

Queen, there are life changing truths one only learns by living. They are the lessons that allow us to tap into confidence, self-love, courage, insight, prosperity and authenticity as we navigate through the world.

But when and how each Black woman collects her wisdom varies, because our experiences in life are unique. Some of us may be single or married while others are divorced or widowed. Some have kids or grandkids, while others may not want children. We may also be in different stages of our careers. Yet, the truths we learn along the way are universal. 

There’s one thing we’ve all learned now that we’re good and grown, which is that we’ll get what we want and need faster if we work for it together. So, Sisters asked some of the most phenomenal women we know — women who are thriving at 40, 50, 60 and beyond — what lessons changed their lives for the better. Here’s what they had to say:

1. What other people think of you is none of your business.
2. Claim the respect you’re due. If you’re not paid on time, demand it and charge interest.
3. Sis, stop waiting for a better time to make things happen. There will never be “the right time.” With each year, we further realize how precious the time we have is.
4. Beloved, mental health care is self-care. You can find a therapist who will see, hear and help you, regardless of your health coverage or budget.  
5. Girl, know who your true friends are. The ones that will hold you down, support you, cheer you on and be honest with you.
6. Know what the age-old saying, “all skin folk, ain’t kinfolk,” really means. 
7. Queen, live unapologetically as your authentic self. Go within and affirm what you like, what you dislike and what truly makes you happy.
8. Hold a sense of what the future you want looks like, sounds like, feels like — in exquisite detail.
9. Know how much income you need to last through retirement, and that it’s never too late to plan, save and invest. Use the AARP Retirement Calculator and begin paving the path to financial independence.
10. Prioritize your pleasure — whether partnered or not. Get all the benefits orgasmic bliss has to offer.
11. Remember this: Whatever role you play — whether as a mother, wife, caretaker, career woman — does not define you. You are so much more. Explore that each day.  
12. Take to heart this wisdom from Viola Davis, “You simply are worthy … The only ticket into worth is that you were born.” 
13. Celebrate yourself. Take the time to reflect on how far you’ve come and all that you’ve achieved.
14. Do what you have to in order to maintain your sanity as you juggle responsibilities. It helps to get organized, practice gratitude and focus on happiness.
15. Spend a few minutes each day learning about money. Bookmark websites that break down finance fundamentals. Collect and use money-saving tips.
16. Say no. And don’t feel guilty about it for one second.  
17. Sis, get as comfortable asking for help as you are providing it to others.
18. Tap into the riches that your creative spirit has to offer. What will you make or do today simply because you love it?
19. Know when not to give a ______.
20.  There are times when handling a situation means taking a deep breath and letting someone else take control.
21. Find new ways to enjoy your own company, treat yourself and take yourself on a date. 
22. Identify and claim what you need to thrive, whether it’s time alone, a certain environment or something else.
23. Never hesitate to ask for what you want — as many times as it takes to get it.
24.  Realize that a no can really just mean not now. Don’t be discouraged.
25. Have a recharge repertoire. How many self-care rituals support your well-being? Here’s an amazing list of habits that will help you thrive.
26. Know what your love language is so that you can communicate your needs to your partner. Understand that your beloved’s language may be different. Build fluency with daily acts of affection.
27.  When you find an outfit, accessory or silhouette that makes you look and feel amazing, recreate it using different colors, patterns or textures.
28.  List three activities that make you feel more alive, content or energized. Schedule time for them.
29. If it makes you happy, you deserve more of it.  
30. Believe.
31. There’s a difference between privacy and secrecy.
32. Keep track of your health stats: blood pressure, blood sugar, weight.
33. It’s not a wig. It’s grownup hair.
34. Know the difference between barriers and boundaries. Being firm about what you won’t tolerate creates the space and safety to enjoy close relationships. 
35. Forgive others but do it for yourself. Forgive yourself to find closeness with others.
36.  You are a one of a kind beauty.
37. Your intuition has something to say. Pay attention.
38. Others’ limiting beliefs about you place greater restraints on their own possibilities than they do on yours.
39. Sis, you are worthy of love and success, even when the world tries to make you feel otherwise.
40. You are enough.